This week, the
Christian Fiction Blog Alliance
is introducing
John 3:16
Tyndale House Publishers (September 9, 2008)
by
Nancy Moser

MY REVIEW:

I have read several novels by Nancy Moser. Each of them contains a powerful message and  John 3:16 follows the same pattern. In John 3:16 the lives of seemingly unrelated characters intersect and are changed forever by the heroic sacrifice of one young man. The characters are fully developed and elicit empathy, dislike, frustration, annoyance, etc. from the reader.  John 3:16 is truly a story of forgiveness and redemption. I would definitely add it to my list of recommended reading.

I was happy in San Jose. It’s a real city. I had friends there. But this summer my dad moved us to Half Moon Bay to open his own law practice, and my early conclusion is: this place is lame, lame, lame. The people here wouldn’t know a decent person if she walked right up to them and said, “Hi, decent person here.” Trust me, I thought about doing it.

And even though I’ve been going to school here for three weeks, I can feel in my bones that today is going to be my worst day yet. I mean, look how it all started out. This morning I overheard Maria telling my mom she has lupus, and that’s why she’s been sick so much. I wasn’t supposed to hear, but the walls in our brand-spanking-new Easy-Bake Castle are so thin you can fall through just by leaning against them. That’s what Mom and Dad get for buying a McMansion in Ocean Colony. (It’s really called that. I gag every time I see the sign at the gates.) I don’t know what lupus is, but I’m pretty sure it’s deadly.

Maria may be just the housekeeper to my parents, but to me she’s like a second mother, the non- crazy one, the one who doesn’t spend her life decorating and redecorating our house, the one who actually gets what I’m going through in this town.

Then, when Dad dropped me off, I noticed a run in my tights, which only got bigger when I had to take them off and put them back on again in PE. (It’s not like we really needed to suit up to be herded into the gym, sit still, and learn the rules of volleyball anyway, so the enlargement was entirely pointless.) Next, I found out my Key Club meeting at lunch had been canceled because the adviser, Mrs. Galvin, was sick, which means I didn’t have to spend all last night drawing up proposals for service projects after all. Instead, I could have taken a little extra time to make sure I understood polynomials. But, of course, I didn’t do that, so naturally we’re being tested on them today.

Mr. Mackey begins to write the first problem on the whiteboard, and I copy it onto my paper carefully. The soft click of the clock hands sweeping around the face is almost drowned out by the furious scratching of pencils.

My dad’s colleagues seem to think it’s impressive that I’m in Algebra 2 as a freshman. I used to think so. Back in San Jose, I was always a year ahead of everyone else in my class in math and was even given a special tutor last year to learn geometry in eighth grade, but it turns out here in Half Moon Bay there are a lot of freshmen who took geometry last year. It was a lot more fun being in advanced math when it made me special. Now it’s just a lot of work.

Math has always been hard for me. I can breeze through a novel in an evening and remember history timelines until my eyes roll back in my head, but even though I like numbers, they don’t like me back.

Which, I guess, I should be used to. I glance at Tyler, but he’s already crouched over his paper, his curly blond hair falling over his forehead. Tyler’s a sophomore, and he’s the lead singer in a band called Three Car Garage. He doesn’t know I’m alive.

I sigh, then lean over to start working when I hear rustling behind me. I shoot a quick glance over my shoulder in time to see Riley McGee shove something into her purse. She sees me watching her and gives me a big fake smile, then pulls out a mechanical pencil. Sketchy. I turn back to my test, shaking my head. She wouldn’t really . . . would she?

Okay, Ana. Focus. You’re just trying to solve for X. I stare at the problems, trying to figure out the first step. The tricky thing is that X is different every time. And I don’t like change. I like things to happen when and how they’re supposed to.

I make a tentative mark on my paper, then hear a soft thud behind me. I sneak a peek under my arm and see that Riley has knocked her pencil onto the floor. I watch as she picks it up, then peeks into her bag. She grabs something, frowns at it, then shoves it back into the bottom of her bag and quickly sits up and starts to write.

She really would. Huh. I wondered how she got such a good grade on the last test. I should have known.

Riley McGee is a cheerleader and the most popular freshman in school. In my short time here, she’s been rumored to be dating two different first-string football players. That’s almost one upperclassman a week. Not exactly the kind of freshman you’d expect to find in Algebra 2. Thankfully, I’ve totally got her beat because for one thing, I’ve got a brain. Math may not come easily to me, but I work my butt off to get good grades and so far that has worked pretty well. I intend to walk out of this dump in four short years as valedictorian.

Riley peers into her bag again and smirks at what she finds. Isn’t cheating hilarious?

What do I do? I didn’t exactly see her cheat, but that’s definitely what she’s doing. I say a quick prayer for wisdom, then turn back to my paper. It wouldn’t be nice to call her out in public. I’ll just hang around after class for a minute and mention something quietly to Mr. Mackey. It’s kind of sad, considering that I saw her at church on Sunday. I would have expected her to have a little more integrity, cheerleader or not.

“Five more minutes, my little mathletes,” Mr. Mackey says, looking up from The Big Impossible Book of Advanced Sudoku. Old Mackey. He’s almost as big around as he is tall and has the bushiest eyebrows I’ve ever seen. He’s very weird, but I kind of like him.

I look back at my paper. Is it possible that X is zero? That always seems to be what happens when something doesn’t make sense. It’s like this joke the universe has—it’s this little squiggle that means nothing (literally), and it makes everything around it meaningless, too. I resist the temptation to make another comparison to my life and move on to the second problem. Maybe this one’s easier.

“Three minutes,” Mackey says from behind his book. I quickly scratch out as much as I can on the rest of the quiz. It’s not going to be pretty. I’ll have to see if Mr. Mackey will let me do some extra credit to make up for this or it’s going to seriously drag down my average. And I have to get an A. I just have to.

That’s when I hear it again. Riley is looking at something in her bag, and she is definitely smiling about it. I turn around and stare at her. She writes something quickly, then looks up at me, rolls her eyes, and looks down at the quiz. Okay, that’s it. Youth group or no, she can’t get away with this. It’s not right. Jesus would stand up for what’s right. I raise my hand.

“Ana, do you have a question?” Mr. Mackey nods at me.

“Mr. Mackey—” I take a deep breath and slowly lower my hand—”I saw someone cheating on the pop quiz.” I turn around to face Riley, righteous indignation washing over me. Someone behind me coughs, but it sounds like they’re saying something under their breath.

“I did not cheat!” Riley screeches, her blue eyes wide. Riley is only a few inches taller than me, but it’s enough to make her kind of intimidating.

“Oh really?” Mr. Mackey asks, cocking his eyebrow at me, then looking at Riley. “That’s a serious accusation to make, Ana.”

“I know, sir,” I say as calmly as I can. I look around and notice that everyone is staring at me. I feel my face turning bright red. I hate this school. “But I saw her do it. She has the answers in her purse.” Even as the words come out of my mouth, I’m wondering if maybe this wasn’t the best way to handle the situation. Maybe this isn’t what Jesus would do after all. It’s hard to tell sometimes.

Someone coughs again, and this time I think I hear what they’re saying: “God Girl.” Who are they talking to?

Riley is looking at me like she could tear out my eyeballs. I lean back just in case she decides to go for it.

“I don’t have anything in my purse!” she says, placing her hands on her hips and flipping her long blond hair over her shoulder.

Well, now I look like a fool. I have to show Mr. Mackey I’m right or I’ll always be that girl who accused Riley. That’ll do wonders for the friend search. I reach toward her chocolate brown bag. The nerve.

“Get away from my bag,” she yells, grabbing it and hugging it to her chest as she stands up.

“Mr. Mackey, if I could just look in her bag, I could prove it,” I say quickly, but Mr. Mackey is already walking toward us with anger in his eyes.

“Ladies, that’s enough.” He steps between us. “Riley, return to your seat.” He looks at her, and she reluctantly sits down again. “For this little outburst, you’ll both be in detention this afternoon.”

“But—” Riley starts, but Mr. Mackey holds up his hand and continues.

“Ana, I’d like to see you after class.”

“Just me?” What about her?! I glare at Riley, and she rolls her eyes at me. Mr. Mackey nods. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tyler smirk.

“Now, please pass your quizzes to the front and open your books to page seventy- three,” he says, turning away, indicating that the subject is closed. I take a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. She’s the one who cheated!

I try to pay attention as Mr. Mackey goes on and on about factoring polynomials, but I can’t focus on what he’s saying. Detention. I’ve never had detention in my life. Does that go on your permanent record? I bet Princeton doesn’t let in people with detentions on their records.

This never would have happened at my old school. Teachers there loved me and knew that I was going somewhere. Teachers here seem to think I’m headed straight to San Quentin. I’ve been here less than a month, and I’m already an outcast.

Finally the bell rings, and everyone around me throws their books into their bags. They’re off to the grab food at the snack bar and sit on the smooth green hillsides and concrete steps that surround the school. There’s no cafeteria here, but there are lots of places all over campus where groups of friends gather to eat. Someone coughs “God Girl” one more time, and though I’m not sure where it comes from, I know who it’s directed at. I have to face that I have earned a nickname at my new school. Just great. I’m really going to miss being invisible.

Riley doesn’t say a word to me as she walks by. I sit still, looking down at the fake wood grain on the smooth desktop in front of me. Engraved in the desk is a message for me: “Die, maggot.”

I glance out the window and see people gathering together. Maybe it’s good that Mackey is holding me after class. There are only so many times you can pretend not to care that you’re eating alone, and it’s not like I have anywhere to be, thanks to the Key Club meeting being canceled. Guidance counselors will tell you that joining clubs looks good on your college applications, but what they don’t tell you is that it also gives you somewhere to go at lunch.

Slowly, the sound of voices begins to disappear, and locker doors stop slamming shut. Mr. Mackey walks over to the empty desk in front of me and sits down, turning to face me.

“Ana?” His eyes are narrowed, and he looks at me with what seems like concern. “You’re doing well in this class.” I nod and stare back down at my desk. Die, maggot, it tells me again. “You’re doing exceptionally well for a freshman.” I swallow. Where is he going with this? “But Riley— ” he clears his throat and looks around, as if worried someone might overhear what he’s about to say— “Riley has the highest grade in this class.” My mouth hangs open in shock. Riley has the highest grade in the class?! “She hasn’t missed a question yet.”

I shut my mouth, for fear I might be attracting flies. “But see,” I say, sitting up indignantly. “She must get the good grades by cheating. How else could she . . .”

“She’s— ” He coughs, and I hear phlegm rattle in his lungs. “She’s quite good at math. Always has been. Teachers have been after her to join the math team for years, but she won’t. I’m afraid she wasn’t cheating on today’s quiz.”

“But she was looking at something in her bag!” I know I’m starting to sound a little hysterical, but I can’t be wrong about this. I just can’t. How could she be beating me?

“She was using her phone.” He coughs. “To . . . what do they call it? Texting? She was texting.”

“But . . .” But what? But how could he see that from all the way across the room? And cell phones aren’t allowed at school. If he saw her, why didn’t he stop her? How can it be true?

“That’s why you both have detention,” he says before I can say anything. “I just made up the quiz questions before class, so there’s no way she could have had the answers hidden in her bag.”

I gulp.

“I know you were only trying to do what’s right today, Ana,” he says, nodding at me. “So you’ll serve the detention for disrupting the class, and then we’ll put this behind us, okay?”

I look up at his bushy eyebrows and nod, biting my tongue to hold back the tears. The injustice of it all is overwhelming.

“Keep up the good work, Ana,” he says, and I nod, looking down at my hands. He waits, but I don’t move. “You’re free to go now,” he says, coughing again, as if I didn’t get it the first time. Slowly, I stand up. I carefully place my book and notepad into my bag, looking down so he won’t see the tears welling up in my eyes. He watches me as I walk toward the door and step out into the cool air.

Copyright © 2008 by Anne Dayton and May Vanderbilt

“This article is used with the permission of Hachette Book Group and Anne Dayton and May Vanderbilt. All rights reserved.”

“Coming . . .” He walked from the kitchen to the front door and opened it.

“John.” Verne Pick nodded. He was a friend from church whose kids were involved with CKT, and he had a reputation for being one of the best, most thorough Realtors in Bloomington. His expression told John that he knew this was going to be a rough day. “You ready?”

He steeled himself. “I am.” He opened the heavy wooden door and welcomed the man inside. “Let’s move to the kitchen table.” John had brewed a pot of coffee, and he poured cups for both of them.

They made small talk, and after a few minutes, Verne pulled a folder from his briefcase. “We have a standard questionnaire we need to deal with first.”

John blinked, and a memory came over him. When Elizabeth died, it had taken every bit of his strength to walk through the planning of her service. But he remembered this one detail: The young woman from the funeral home who helped him with the process had presented every question couched in concern, as if she wanted to apologize for each step of the ordeal. That’s exactly how Verne was now, his brow raised as he waited for a response.

John motioned to the two closest chairs. “Let’s get the questions out of the way.”

“Okay.” Verne opened the folder and took out the document on top. He drew a long breath. “I guess we better talk about the fire first. It’s bound to come up.”

“Right. Just a minute.” John went to the next room and found a folder on the desk. He brought it back and set it on the table in front of his friend. “The garage has been completely redone, and all the repair work was signed off. Everything’s in the folder.”

“Good.” Verne lifted his chin and sniffed a few times. “No smell of smoke?”

“Not at all.”

“The place is really something.” Verne’s smile was tentative. “Should have it sold by summer, I’m guessing.”

“Yes.” A bittersweet sense of pride welled in John’s chest. “It’s a great house. Held up well through the years even with the fire.”

Verne settled in over the paperwork. “I’ve got some of this filled out already. Let’s do the basics first.” He lifted his gaze, pen poised over the top sheet. “Number of bedrooms?”

John pictured them the way they’d looked twenty years ago. He and Elizabeth in the large room at one side of the house upstairs. Brooke and Kari across from each other at the south end of the hall, Luke in the next bedroom on the left, and Ashley and Erin sharing a room at the north end. He pushed away the memory. “Five.” He took a quick sip of coffee. “Five bedrooms.”

The interview wore on, each question stirring another set of memories and reasons why he couldn’t believe he was selling the place. When they reached the end of the document, Verne bit his lower lip. “The tour comes next. I need to measure each room, get an official square footage.”

“The tour?” John looked toward the stove, and he could almost see Elizabeth standing near the kettle. “John’ll give you the tour,” she would say when company came over. “He’s so proud of the place—I like to let him do it.”

“Sure.” John gave his friend a smile. “Let’s start in the living room.”

They worked their way from one part of the house to the next, and as they went, Verne pulled out his measuring tape and captured the length of the walls.

John remained quiet. He wasn’t seeing his friend taking matter-of-fact measurements of the house he so loved. He was seeing Elizabeth, rocking their babies, Ashley learning to walk, Brooke bringing in a bird with a broken wing, and Kari screaming because she thought it might attack her. He could hear the piano, filling the house with hour after hour of not-quite-perfect songs during the years when the kids took lessons, and he could see the grandkids gathered around their tree each Christmas.

Whatever the square footage of the house, it couldn’t possibly measure what these walls had seen or the memories housed here.

They finished the final room, and Verne closed the folder. “Well, that’s about it. Just one more thing and I can get back to the office and list it.” He walked toward the front of the house. “I’ll get what I need from the car.”

John followed him into the entryway, and when he was alone, he slumped against the doorframe. For a heartbeat, he felt like he was no longer attached to his body. What was he doing, selling the house? Certainly one of his kids should’ve wanted it, right? He had six of them in the area, after all. But John had already asked each of them. Brooke and Peter liked the house they lived in because it was easy for Hayley and comfortable. “We have our own memories here,” Brooke had told him. “The Baxter place would be much too big for us.”

Kari had felt the same way about having her own memories. Ryan had designed the log house they lived in, and it had a sort of rugged lodge feel both Kari and Ryan loved.

Ashley had been a possibility at first. She had told him a number of times that she would love to raise the boys here, where she’d grown up. But she wasn’t painting enough to bring in regular money, and the mortgage on the house would be far beyond what Landon could afford, especially with their growing boys.

Once John had even considered calling Dayne, because it would’ve been nothing for him to loan Ashley and Landon the money—maybe at a lower rate or for a longer period of time.

But Ashley had begged him not to. “I don’t want Dayne to think of us like that, using him for his money.”

John could’ve argued with her, but there was no point, really. Ashley was right; the situation would have been awkward.

As for his other kids, Luke and Reagan needed to be close to Indianapolis for Luke’s job, and things were still very shaky between them. They’d found a nearby church, and John was encouraging them to get counseling at a local center. There was no way they’d be interested in moving again.

Last there were Erin and Sam. At first, when Erin called to announce that they were moving back to Indiana, John thought he had his answer, a way to keep the house in the family. But Sam worked long days, and Erin was busy with the kids. Upkeep on a house with acreage was more than they were willing to take on even for the sake of nostalgia. So they were out.

John wandered into the front room and peered through the window at Verne out front. Way down at the end of his driveway, his friend had taken a large For Sale sign from the back of his car. John’s heart swelled with frustration and futility as he watched Verne position the sign not far from the road. The Baxter house . . . for sale. John gritted his teeth and looked away. This was where he’d wanted to live out the rest of his days, so maybe he was wrong. Maybe this was all a mistake. He looked out the window again and narrowed his eyes.

No, there was no mistake in what he was doing. Living in this house into his twilight years meant sharing it with Elizabeth, and since she wasn’t here, the house could go. It had to. He and Elaine Denning were moving ahead with their plans to marry, and they needed a new place to begin their life together and—

The echo of a mallet against a stake resonated deep within him. It was barely loud enough to hear, but John knew the sound. He took a few steps closer to the window as Verne hammered the sign into the ground.

Why, God? Isn’t there some way to save the place?

In response there was only the sound of another blow, another strike of the mallet.

John winced as Verne finished the job. Yes, his years in the Baxter house were over. The time had come to move on, and with God’s help that’s what John would do. He gripped the windowsill and breathed in deeply the familiar smell of his home. He would survive letting go of this place, because he had no other choice.

Even if it all but killed him to say good-bye.

***

Ashley Baxter Blake flung open the bathroom window, braced herself against the sink, and stared at the mirror. Her hands trembled and her heart raced as she glanced at the clock on the bathroom counter—9:31 a.m. Okay, here goes. . . . She marked the second hand and stared at the mirror again. The next minute was bound to drag, and Ashley couldn’t make it go faster by watching the clock.

How could she have lied to herself for so long? She leaned closer, studying her look. Her makeup didn’t cover the dark circles under her eyes. She was dizzy and weary, drained from another morning of dry heaves, and no amount of fresh air staved off the nausea.

Through Christmas she had given herself a dozen reasons why she might be late—busyness and excitement during the holidays, running after Cole and Devin almost constantly, and the heartache of missing baby Sarah. It could take a year after losing a baby before her body found its normal routine of cycles. That’s what her doctor had told her. A year. It hadn’t been nearly that.

But she’d had just one period in the last four months, and finally Ashley had done what she thought about doing weeks ago. She bought a test, and now in less than a minute she’d know the truth. Not that she needed the test at this point. She touched her fingers gently to her abdomen. It wasn’t exactly bulging, but it was slightly rounded and firm, the way she’d always felt when she was in her first few months of pregnancy.

The difference was that every other time she had been ecstatic about maybe being pregnant, ready to rush to the drugstore for a test the moment she suspected she was a day or so late. Even in the weeks after losing Sarah, she and Landon had wanted nothing more than to try for another child. But somewhere along the journey of letting go of her daughter, Ashley had realized something deep within her.

She couldn’t lose another baby.

By God’s grace and with Landon by her side she’d survived losing Sarah, but another child? Ashley wasn’t sure she’d survive. The sound of her too fast heartbeat echoed against her temples, and she blinked at her image in the mirror. Standing here on the verge of having her answer, there was only one way to explain the way Ashley felt. She was terrified.

Her strange and new fears were impacting every area of her life—even her relationship with Landon. By now she should’ve told him about her suspicions, but she’d kept the possibility to herself. Every time she considered telling him, she stopped herself. If she told Landon, then she’d need to visit a doctor and go through the same steps as last time—the tests and ultimately the ultrasound. And that meant she had to be ready to handle the news that something could be wrong again. News she couldn’t face. Not yet anyway.

Besides if she told Landon too soon, he’d get his hopes up and then if . . . if something was wrong, they’d both be crushed. Almost as if by saying something she would instantly open the two of them to all the grim possibilities. Whereas by keeping her concerns to herself, she could avoid giving Landon a false sense of hope, avoid the doctor appointments, and most of all the dreaded ultrasound.

Ashley squinted at the test window. Was it her imagination or was a line forming down the center? The line that would confirm she was carrying another child? She closed her eyes and breathed in sharp through her nose. I can’t do it again, God. I can’t lose another baby. Please walk me through this.

Losing Sarah was the most wrenching pain she’d ever been through. Yes, she and Landon had found the miracle in Sarah’s brief life, and they would treasure forever the few hours they shared with her. But since then, she couldn’t walk past Sarah’s nursery without aching from the loss, couldn’t drive in the direction of the cemetery without seeing her painting, the one of her mother holding Sarah in a field of flowers in heaven.

She leaned hard against the bathroom countertop, her arms shaking. The doctor had said a repeat diagnosis of anencephaly wasn’t likely, but it was possible.

Landon must’ve known she was worried about having future children, because he’d brought up the subject only once since Christmas. “Do you think about it, Ash . . . having another baby?”

“At first. But lately I try not to.” Her voice had been kind, gentle. But fear put a sudden grip on her throat. “I couldn’t do it again. Go through what we went through with Sarah.”

Landon touched her cheek, her forehead. “My grandpa always told me God never gives us more than we can handle.”

“I know.” Ashley smiled, and in that instant she could see Sarah in her arms, feel that warm little body against her chest. She swallowed, trying to find the words. But they both dropped the subject.

Since then she’d talked briefly with Landon about her fears of having more children. But the truth was, somewhere along the days of pain and grief Ashley had formed a mind-set: better not to have more children than to face the possibility of losing another baby.

The thing was, in her life God had sometimes given her things that He must’ve known she’d survive, and she had indeed come through on the other side. God had always brought her closer to Himself through the process. But she was weary of the heartache, tired of the path of pain God sometimes led her down. If she were pregnant now, she would fight the fear of loss every morning, every hour between now and the birth of her baby. So maybe she hadn’t been crazy to deny the evidence of her body for this long. She simply wasn’t ready to face the sorrow that might be around the next corner.

More than a minute had passed, so whatever was in the test window would be visible by now. Ashley picked up the stick and looked at the two straight lines, both dark and pronounced, and the answer was instantly in front of her. No doubt whatsoever—she was pregnant. Fear tap-danced across the moment, but it was joined by an unexpected partner: the flicker of hope and joy. She was pregnant, and for now, no matter what might lay ahead, a brand-new life was growing inside her. The news was terrifying and thrilling at the same time.

Now it was merely a matter of finding the courage to tell Landon.

Copyright© 2008 by Karen Kingsbury. All rights reserved.